Healing, finally

I slept with the window ajar that night, letting the pitter-patter of the raindrops lull me to sleep and keep me there for as long as possible. Whether it was the healing waters of El Tucano's hot springs or the bed or the laughter, I awoke before dawn feeling refreshed. Grabbing my camera, I exited the room, grabbed a cup of black coffee and took the winding path behind the dining room to the hot springs. I sat there for about an hour in total silence. Just listening to the water rush over the rocks, the birds greet the sun, and the occasional howler monkey exchange some witty repartee with a friend or foe. It had only been a few hours since the revelation of the night before, but I felt a weight lifted. I hadn't let go of my grandfather, but I was letting go. When there was finally enough light, I pointed my camera to the small rapids that laid resolutely behind me and made my first photograph of the day - the first photograph I made while healing.

Rocky mountain stream cascading over boulders surrounded by lush forest vegetation.

Uncharacteristically satisfied with the one photograph, I went back to the dining room, ready to join what I was certain would be a hoard of ravenous teens eating El Tucano out of house and home. But I had one more chance to make a photograph just before breakfast thanks to a golden-bellied flycatcher that flew before me as I was approaching the dining room. How I managed to get this, is still beyond me. But this is also why I always have my camera in my hands ready to go. I don't believe in signs from above, but I I'm also not one to ignore what had transpired inside me over the last six hours. This was the mark of a fresh start.

We left in the early afternoon, all of us invigorated after swimming and playing in the hot spring water that ran through the resort. After the harsh conditions and the hikes of the previous days, this was exactly what everyone needed.

Unique architectural tower with round windows and red accents surrounded by tropical foliage.

Sunlit tropical garden path with palm trees and misty atmosphere creating a magical ambiance.

Spanish colonial style walkway with yellow walls, red roof, and well-manicured hedges.

A scenic river stream flows through a lush tropical rainforest with crystal clear turquoise waters.

Solace

The final leg of the trip would be in Sarapiquí. The drive from La Fortuna was a long one, with pitstops for lunch and leg-stretching along the way, so by the time we arrived at our lodging, it was late. We supped and partied later still into the wee hours of the morning, students and chaperones cutting loose in the way one might think only happens in movies about fancy colleges or tv shows in which the students and faculty are played by actors of the same age. But that meant that the following day we were relaxed and ready to adventure into the region.

We toured a cacao farm. But I had learned so much about that industry from the previous days that I decided to venture into the nearby jungle. The Sarapiquí River ran right through this property, so I hiked a trail that lead down to the river and did a little exploring. On the way back, I spotted a keel-billed toucan flittering from tree to tree. Evidently, it was hungry and looking for food. This meant I knew it would be hanging out in the trees nearby for a while. It also meant he was flying frantically from tree to tree and branch to branch until its stomach was satisfied.

It took about twenty minutes of me stalking the bird from here and there until finally I saw it affirm its footing. I knew it had found something. I raised my camera's viewfinder to my eye and waited. I had pressed the shutter release button a few dozen times, always feeling disappointed when the beautiful bird finally brought its head up, beak full of breakfast and gave me this gorgeous pose. It was the photograph I had worked hardest to make the entire trip and felt satisfied with myself. If you've seen one photo of a toucan, you've seen them all, but I was proud to have made one that could stand with the rest. For someone just rediscovering photography as much as himself, this was a big moment for me.

Vibrant toucan perched on a branch among green leaves in its natural habitat.

That final lodging was something of a perfect place as well. It was built on the outskirts of a small town and used the jungle as its grounds. Where the night before it had been so dark we could see nothing but the lighted paths to our rooms - glamorous tents that defied everything I knew about the term "camping" - the afternoon here made me feel like I was in some heavenly place. Flora and fauna at every turn. Hiking trails that went on seemingly forever.

One particular path wound about an irrigation system that had been built by the owners and led eventually to a natural swimming pool. Local craftspeople had lined the once earthen walls of this natural pool with stones and it was now a beautiful oasis. When we first came upon it, the students were all over it, swimming and lounging about with such raucous laughter that even the nearby howler monkey calls were drowned out by the aquatic festivities. I took note of the path, however, as I resigned myself to return to this spot for some reflection later.

The days that followed were filled with more time with the people and the land, learning about the agriculture, history, and culture of this amazing country. I was finally understanding that ubiquitous Costa Rican phrase, "Pura Vida!" Life is the most precious and celebrated thing. They live it and honor it every day.

So on the morning before we were set to return, I awoke early - well before sunrise - grabbed my camera and walked. I made my way back to the pool and, much like I had done a few days prior at El Tucano, sat in silence. It was dark, but the sun had started to peak over the horizon and a beautiful golden-green glow had illuminated the grotto, and the animals were certainly awake and playful.

This moment was all that mattered, at least in that instant. I was halfway through my penultimate semester of a master's degree at Boston College and had coursework to catch up on, research papers to grade, and a family I had to get back to, but this moment was happening right now. And I wanted to take that philosophy home with me.

Sunbeams filter through a misty forest with a large rock in the foreground.

We left that afternoon. I can say with a degree of certainty that few places have ever spoken to my entire being quite the way that Costa Rica did. I yearn to get back to that beautiful place. Because as we boarded our plane back to Miami, I already felt I missed Costa Rica.

Of course, when we were back home I was glad to be with my family again. And whatever went on in my mind and heart, whatever discoveries I made in myself over those ten days, well they helped. I came back to my family ready to stop living in the past and prepared to live in the present.